My mom is gay
My mom was not a "regular mom." An ice queen beauty with corn coloured hair that flashed gold in sunlight, she was a private, secretive person with the most dazzling smile. You couldn't take your eyes off her when she walked into a room. When my brilliant father met her in 1954, he was a Cambridge University classics scholar—the only person in his family to go to university at the time—and she was a secretary working in his father's furniture sales room. It was affection at first sight.
"He saw her, she saw him, they both blushed and that was it," is how my aunt Judy, who worked in the same saleroom, described my parents' first encounter.
Mom and Dad married as soon as Dad finished his law studies, around the time he set up his law firm in Doncaster, England. My mom, pregnant with me, typed letters for pretend clients, in preparation for the real ones that eventually came along. And my brother David was born two years later.
Dad became a successful lawyer; he was president of the Yorkshire Union of Statute Societies for over forty years. With the fruits of his hard operate he bought Slade Hooton Hall, a mansion built in 1689 in the reign of King William III and Queen Mary II,
“Adolescence is a confusing age for everyone. It’s a time in everyone’s lives where we must, for the first time, figure out what we love, who we like, and what we want to be. It’s a moment where we must find our true selves. My adolescence was all of those things… and more.
Like most teenagers, I was moody and sometimes sassy. I remember wanting to sleep ALL of the time. Luckily, I had a good relationship with my mom and dad. In fact, I could always confide in my mom. Whenever I did something stupid or felt like things were falling apart, she’d always be there for me, cheering me on. My whole childhood, I was attached at her hip. She was my best friend. I didn’t know the moment for me to be there for her would arrive so quickly. The roles entirely reversed.
I was thirteen years old. I still remember the conversation like it was yesterday. My mother, my brother Jacob, and I were sitting at the dining room table. It was a regular afternoon and Jacob and I had just returned from university. My father was asleep because he had worked his third shift at the hospital pharmacy. It was always just the three of us after school.
At first, we were talking about
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My mother is very supportive of the LGBTQ+ collective — except when it comes to her hold daughter.
In the absence of magic pixie dust, our elder tries to assist a letter writer locate a way to dwell with her mom’s reaction.
Dear EWC
Hello, I’ve known I was attracted to women since I was 12 years old. I was outed in high institution, which was really distressing for me, to the point that I spent most of my adolescence and early adulthood convincing myself that I’d made it up. At the age of 28, I finally decided that I needed to deal with this and owed myself the best shot at a happy life that I could find. While I haven’t had a serious relationship with a woman yet, I’ve done some dating, and it’s been absolutely life-changing. Even just mentally sorting through all the shame I’ve had is the top thing I’ve ever done for myself. I tried talking to my mom about this several months ago. She’s always been vocally supportive of the LGBTQ+ community and spoken well of the male lover people she knows. So I was completely blindsided by her reaction; in short, she told me that she was enraged at me for putting this on her and that basically, she didn&#
Q:
My mother is gay, but she does not recognize I know. About two years ago at Christmas I found a card from her “roommate”, stating she has a tough time when the kids are around because she cannot express her feelings towards my mother.
This letter did not come as a big shock to me, since they own been living together for seven years. I speculate my question is, should I just leave successfully enough alone? Or would it be better to get this out in the open?
I feel my mother is afraid we will not love her anymore. This is not true. I am just glad to see her finally happy in experience, but she avoids her family.
I know the top thing to do is to let her grasp we are OK with this, but I just can’t get up enough nerve to do this. I am so nervous of the initial confrontation.
A:
Your question seems to be more about how to talk to your mother about this rather than if you should at all. You said yourself that your mom is avoiding her family — that’s what closeted people have to do to avoid getting “caught.” If you and your mom and her “roommate” persist to not acknowledge their relationship, she will get more of a stranger to you as years pass
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